Dating a recently widowed man

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He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.

I want to see more of him at this point (3 months,) especially on Saturday nights.

Psychoanalyst Darian Leader calls this the Rebecca Syndrome, a reference to the Daphne du Maurier novel in which the heroine is terribly haunted by the ghost of her husband's late wife. Leader, the power of what has gone before will infuse even the most contented new partnerships. Social scientists have found that men look to reconnect because they want what they had before, what they're used to.

He loves the attention you lavish on him and he tries to reciprocate. Some women spend years orbiting a world of grief that is not their own.A study conducted in 1996 found that, by 25 months after a spouse's death, 61% of widowers (men) were either remarried or in a new romance compared to just 19% of widows (women), but this is by no means a case of 'one size fits all'.

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38 Comments

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  2. eric   •  

    (It is estimated that only 15 percent of fraud victims report their losses to law enforcement, so the real numbers are probably higher.)As one result, fear of a horrible first date is just one of the things a would-be online dater has to worry about.

  3. eric   •  

    Sebastian pried open the front door and quietly stepped inside.

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